Above four letter word is the best way to explain my feeling now.
I have planned to take part in today's Royal Selangor Club Chess Tournament organized by Jax Tham, S Balendran, Hamid Majid and few others.
I have SMSed Hamid to register myself for this event and just cannot wait to use this tournament to try out my new 'Professional' approach to chess.
Okay, before this, my approach to chess tournament is very amateur...i will normally stay until 3am playing blitz online to 'prepare' my self. As a result i will normally wake up late, skip breakfast and played first few rounds with music coming from my stomach (Luckily there is no rule that stated your stomach make a sound, you lose!...or maybe not yet)
The good thing (maybe only good thing) about this amateurish approach is i have insurance against bad outing ( Oh, i cannot think, i slept at 3 last night!) and the right to brag on good outing ( i am sleepy but still manage to do well!)
Anyway after watching 'RUSH', a very good film about Formula One rivalry between James Hunt (Flamboyant, Playboy, Party Animal...imagine Tal, you'll get the picture) and Niki Lauda (Serious, Professional, Family Man...imagine Botvinnik, you'll get the picture) i was just totally impressed with Niki's approach to his sport and i have decided i should do the same with my chess.
So few days ago I have come up with new training regime to overcome my chess 'fear/phobia', do the victory visualization to boast confidence and no, no more blitz party till i got chess drunk...and yes, last night i slept at 10 pm...I wake up fresh at 6am. Thank you!
...but just now when i entered KL there are road blocks everywhere (There is a big marathon event today with finishing line at Dataran Merdeka). Panic, i called Hamid but he did not answer my call. I tried several alternative road but all roads to Dataran are closed. Air tight closed!
I tried calling Hamid again and this time he answered informing that there will be a first round delay to 10am.
Should i wait or should i just withdraw my participant?
There is no guarantee that the roadblock will be off before 10am and furthermore i am no longer in the right frame of mind (my calmness has been replace with anger). My professional instinct say that i should give this tournament a pass...
Finally i reached out my handphone and texted Hamid and informed him that i withdrawn from the event and apologized for the inconvenience.