2 DISASTER TOURNAMENTS

Last week i entered 2 back to back chess tournaments, 1 Malaysia and Malay Championship. I was seeded number 5 out of 120 plus contestants in 1 Malaysia and seeded number 6 at Malay Championship, out of 50 plus contestant.

Results? Disasters! First tournament i scored 4.5 out of 7 and in second tournament, even worst, 3.5 out of 7. Results are no doubt worrisome, my games are definitely worrisome but most worrisome of all is... i am ok with it...time after time i just smile, extend my hand to resign the game and walk away making a joke about it. No tantrum, no cry, no throwing pieces off the board, not even having a red face, nothing... Gone is the fire to win (in some games i just let my opponent to win on time eventhough i am in totally winning position...20 years ago i will immediately call up arbiter to protest), gone is my old primordial urge to conquer and kill my opponent beyond recognisable...

Maybe the culprit is now i am no longer playing for prize money, no longer eyeing the moolah to pay bills, no longer aiming for sky high ratings to inflate my ego...

Ah, maybe this is the symptom that the old age slowly creeping up ...the sign that i unconsciously have accept peace, no longer at war fighting to be what i am not destined to be...